Innocence, Happiness and Pain
by Monsieur Mimi
Summary: Three Separate Stories from different periods in Katan’s life


INNOCENCE, HAPPINESS AND PAIN

My tenth fanfiction! It's kind of in a different style from my others, ne? Well I'm back with the Rociel/Katan fics… I just love those too more then any other fictional characters except for Samwise Gamgee in LOTR! Some spoilers are scattered about here and there.

Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary. It is completely Kaori Yuki's and this is just a piece of fiction written by a fan of the epic series.

This Story archives several fictional events over three periods of the Katan/Rociel relationship. One taking place as a young Katan, then Katan and Rociel before the second War, and then current Katan and Rociel.

Three Separate Stories from different periods in Katan's life 

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**Part One: Young and Un-Stained (This part takes place when Katan is still very very young)**

The soft chatter of the young voices echoed around the hall. Perfect, pretty voices from handsome faces. Young male angels, chattering as they ate their lunch in between classes. Of course, the aim was to eventually breed these young, happy creatures into future ST Candidates, and then, important figures in the angel hierarchy. But right now, that was far in the future. They sat in clumps, in their identical uniforms, little groups of friends.

One sat alone. His face pale and serious, his hair touched with a silver sheen, falling into his eyes. Instead of chattering or eating, he clutched papers in his hands, filled with political knowledge and texts. Studying even in this break. Katan. Not many of the others knew about him. He was quiet and studious, excelling many of the pupils in the class, which often rewarded him jealousy. He was handsome too, holding proud and noble features.

A group of three angels sat near him, talking loudly, grins on boyish faces.

"Have you heard? Sensei says that the war between heaven and hell could be as near as a few centuries away!" One boy said, with the authority in his voice of a knowledgeable angel, but really only knowing his words from careless gossip.

The other two boy angels seemed interested. One put down his chopsticks. "Then I guess the great Inorganic Angel Rociel-sama will have a large part to play, no doubt!"

Katan's ears strained. _Ro… Rociel…?_

That name was holy to him. That beautiful presence that had given him form, a life, a name… the shining light, Katan's one dream in life. To be in that presence again. Rociel… The Great Inorganic Angel…! He listened carefully, lowering his papers.

"Do you really know anything about Rociel, anyway?" Laughed the third. "I've never seen his face!"

The first placed a forefinger on his chin, imitating the authoritive poses of older angels. Clearing his throat to make sure his audience was listening, and proud with the attention the topic he had brought up was getting, he smiled cockily.

"Sensei says he's very arrogant and vain. I've also heard he looks like a woman! How absurd! A leader of our nation, afraid of breaking a fingernail"

Laughter ringed through the air, though most of the other angels in the room, if they would have heard, would have been ashamed at how terribly disrespectful those angels were acting. But, that was how they normally acted.

Every sense in Katan flamed with anger, and he could not stop the redness rushing to his cheeks. _Rociel is not like that! _He thought, clenching a fist. _Even though I have only met him once, he gave me everything. That beautiful being… Rociel…! My dream, to meet him again…! _And what did those boys know, anyway? Had they ever heard his beautiful voice? Or seen his kind and gentle smile…? Katan owed everything to him. And suddenly, his normal placid, calm self was buried within layers of a defensive rage.

Lashing out quickly to the first angel, he grabbed him by the front of his shirt, Katan's papers scattering everywhere. Standing abruptly, he still held the angel roughly by his shirt with a strength he did not know he had. The angel's friends stood up in alarm, but backed away, nervous.

Before Katan even knew what he was doing, he raised his fist and slammed it into the angel's face, sending him away from his grip and landing in a messy heap onto the floor.

"How *dare* you be so disrespectful?!" his was quiet as usual, but trembled with rage.

Now the other angels had seen the incident and were grouping closer to see what was happening. The angel, clutching his face, managed to sit, with help from his friends. He rubbed his cheek, and looked at Katan with disbelief. Katan's face was fixed in a glare, and his hands, clenched into fists, were trembling at his side.

The rage drained away, and Katan returned to himself. He was aware of all those eyes, staring at him with awe.

W…what have I done? I've just let myself down in front of all those people… and just because they made assumptions about Rociel…

Tears welled in his eyes. He had never done anything like this before. Never let his emotions control him. But he had lost that control, and now he was ashamed. He turned and pushed through the gathering crowd, running into the building.

He ran down the long marble halls, his footsteps echoing, until he found his small box-like room. It was neat and tidy, soft silks on a bed, a small window, and draws with neatly stacked papers. Rubbing the tears with a furious, child-like embarrassment from his eyes, he reached under his pillow.

Katan had only seen Rociel once. At the time of his creation. But that beautiful, wonderful image… had never left him. He dreamed of it almost every night. Well… when he wasn't having the nightmares. Where he was a formless beast… and there were screams… But he had often tried to draw Rociel. His efforts only further frustrated him, for he could not capture the beauty and presence on his page. But he had finally reached a picture that I was half satisfied with.

He pulled out the small framed drawing of Rociel, and stared at his face, boyish tears dripping onto it. He clutched the portrait to his chest.

"Rociel… when can I see you again? My dreams are not enough… and there are nightmares Rociel… sometimes I wake up screaming and I do not know why. When can I see the only one who cared for me…? The one who gave me everything. Please, Rociel…"

He slid onto his bed, curled small. 

He did not want the nightmares to come tonight.

Part Two: A Period Of Happiness (This part takes place before the Second War, Rociel is still reasonably sane)

"Rociel-sama" Katan rapped on the door. "I have come to deliver the report you requested, Rociel-sama…"

There was a brief moment of silence, and Katan paused, unsure of whether his master had given him permission to enter with his silence. But sure enough, Rociel's voice suddenly floated into the air. "Come in, Katan…"

Katan opened the doors, closing them behind him, and he bowed deeply, as he always did. "Rociel-sama" He said. He looked up. Rociel was sitting on his divan in the large and extravagant room, his face fixed in a soft almost expectant smile. Katan's heart skipped a beat, and he had to lower his head to avoid blushing.

"Katan" Rociel gracefully stood from the divan, his long hair flowing out behind him. He was wearing a pure white shirt and a black tie, as well as black velvet trousers. His hair was loose and flowed past his waist. His eyes, vibrant and amber, but with that special warmth that seemed to be saved for Katan. Gently, Rociel's delicate hand enclosed around Katan's own and he pulled the angel back to sit down next to him on the divan.

Katan was silent for a moment. His hand tingled from Rociel's touch. Yes, Rociel held his hands often, leant against him, embraced him, but he was still filled with a strange ecstasy each time. He could not explain it. It was just an excitement and shyness, he guessed.

Rociel cocked his head. "You may give the report, Katan"

"Yes, Rociel-sama" Katan replied immediately. Then he paused. Rociel has sat him down on the divan next to him, but he wasn't sure if he should stand up or not. It was little things like this that often bothered him.

Rociel saw this uncertainty and laughed, his eyes shining. Katan felt very silly. "Please, remain sitting, Katan!" Rociel said, lightly.

Katan lifted his report and began to read it. But his eyes kept flicking back to Rociel. There was something strange about him today. Sure, he was laughing and kind, but he seemed to almost not be there, his mind was someplace else. Silence hung in the air when Katan finished his report.

"Rociel-sama…" Katan said, hesitantly. "Are you alright today…? You seem…"

Katan remembered the time when he had sensed Rociel's tears. That was when he had found out about Rociel's inner pain… his sister Alexiel. _Is this about her now? Is Rociel-sama unhappy?_

Rociel shifted his position. Leaning towards Katan, he suddenly lowered his head so that it rested on Katan's lap. He let out a very long, shaking sigh, before clutching the material of Katan's trousers tightly in his hand.

Katan was unsure of what to do. Hesitantly, he lifted a hand, and began to stroke Rociel's long silver hair. Rociel whimpered softly. "Katan…" he murmured. "Katan…" Katan continued to stroke Rociel's hair, and he noticed, with alarm, that his beloved Rociel-sama was trembling. Quickly, he took off his cape and pulled it over Rociel. Rociel seemed to almost flinch, but then he curled in its warmth, pressing himself closer to Katan.

"Rociel-sama… please don't be unhappy" Katan begged. "Are you feeling ill?"

Rociel froze, and laughed. It wasn't Rociel's warm, happy laugh that Katan was used to hearing. It was a bitter laugh, devoid of any mirth. Rociel sat up abruptly, pulling Katan's cloak closer around him. His face was inches away from Katan's.

"Tell me I'm beautiful!" He demanded, quite suddenly, his face twisting. "Please…" he whispered. He sank off the divan, so that he knelt at Katan's knees.

_Rociel-sama doesn't kneel! Especially in front of anyone else! _Katan thought, now extremely alarmed, _why… why is he acting like this?_

Katan knelt forward and wrapped Rociel's delicate form in his arms, pulling the angel to his feet. He tilted Rociel's face upwards with his hands, so that he could see his face. "You are the most beautiful thing in this universe, Rociel-sama. You're radiance shines so brightly for all to see…"

For a moment, Rociel stared at Katan, and his erratic breathing slowed. After what seemed like an eternity, he pushed away from Katan.

"No…" He said, bitterly. His back turned to Katan. "Not everyone sees…"

"Rociel-sama…" Katan whispered.

**Part Three: Where is the one I love? (This part can take place anytime from Vol 1 to Vol 14)**

****

Pain blossomed in Katan's cheek as he fell to the ground.

"Rociel-sama!"

Rociel trembled with rage. Katan was numb with pain. What had he done that made him deserve this? Apart from save his master… trying to protect him… protect him from the new-Rociel that he had become. Rociel slapped Katan again. 

_Don't you see, Rociel-sama? Every time you hurt me, it's reminding me of how much you need me. Please don't do this to me anymore… I love you…_

He lay on the floor, beaten and broken. But this had become usual for him. Katan that high and wonderful Cherubim reduced to this beaten wreck. He looked into the eyes of his master. Glaring with insanity, amber, terrifying… but he could see the Rociel he treasured so dearly hidden behind the madness. And for that… for that he would put up with anything.

"Please, Rociel-sama…" He tried to keep the nervous tremble from his voice. "Please stop this…" He coughed onto his hand, and saw the scarlet liquid land on his pale skin.

Rociel saw too.

The blood seemed to hit a chord with the Inorganic Angel. He fell to his knees. "Katan…" he whispered slowly, extending a hand to touch his precious Cherubim's cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Katan… I'm sorry…"

Katan tried to push himself into a sitting position, carefully avoiding Rociel's insane gaze, which was now touched with regret and compassion. Rociel's delicate hand was now stroking his cheek, and Rociel pulled Katan into an embrace, cradling Katan's head against his chest.

"Sometimes I forget that when I spill your blood, it is the blood that I made"

Katan said nothing. His body ached with pain. But he could not stop himself gently clutching Rociel, burying his head in Rociel's gentle embrace.

"Rociel-sama…" He whimpered, his voice muffled. "Where are you, Rociel-sama?"

Rociel gently rocked Katan back and forth. "I'm here. Ssh. It's alright"

Katan clutched Rociel tighter.

_That's not what I meant… _He thought.

-- FIN --


End file.
